Stillness & Quiet
So I am sitting here after a particularly chaotic day, having to run from one place to another, getting pulled off to one demand after the next, just cycling through all the events of the day. And I finally get a moment to settle after I manage to run through it all and I just feel the spin. Its uncomfotrable, its unpleasant and its tense. So, I take myself out of it all, I find myself a little quite. At first it is difficult because all that happens is the cycling of the day runs trough my mind. But after just so long, I find a moment of stillness and quite. Stillness in my body, quiet in my mind. I take a deep breath and things shift.
Then when I look back at my day, I dont just see the running and spinning but I recall the moments inbetween that were almost erased by the non stop swirling of the mind. I recall how I connected with a new friend who shared more of their personal life with me than before. They shared with me their past pains, the difficulties they went through and the challenges they had to overcome to get to where we were. They shared with me the beautiful things that are happening in their lives, they shared with me how I was helping them to achieve things that they could not have before. They shared with me how our relationship has become a source of not just tangible things but how it afforded them the space to build with their significant other. He told me how he is able to treat his gf in a way she never experienced before. Not in some grand show, but in how he treats her. It’s so well that she doesnt even know how to understand it because of what her previous relationship was. He tells me about how they laugh together becaus she doesnt even know how to treat herself well and they have cultivated a space that they can laugh and smile about it as she learns to be cared for. He tells me how he has been able to help her find value in her life when it was stripped before. He tells me how it has helped her to be able to be bettter to her kids from the previous relationship. He tells me how they now are both growing and developing in ways that make them happy. And at that moment, she called him, and I just listened. The sun was setting at this time, and it was beautiful as well. So I just listen…. Hi love, See Honey I told you it would be fine, no love we got it, oh i cant wait to see you…. just simple little things in how they talk, saying nothing but saying everything.
And I just watch the colors of the sky dance as these two share. And I think back at the beginning of the conversation. You see, just before he and I met, he was in a bad spot for about 7-8 years, which I had no idea about. And he told me how he was finally done paying for the challenges of his past and wanted to have a life that was something more. He said in that moment he ran into me was just two weeks after he had left his old life. That in the 3-4 months he and I have been friends I unknowingly helped him to find a new home for him and his gf and her kids. How he was able to get 2 sweet puppies and build out his shop. How he was able to provide the space for them all to grow and expand togather. And I was just laughing with him about whatever because I am like bro, I am not doing anything, I just treated you as I would want to be treated and you treated me well in return, why would it not go well. I really didnt think I was doing anything at all.
I am not sure why I am carrying on about this, I guess its just the awareness of it coming to me as I type. You see when I was all stressed and moving, I didnt get the chance to see any of that beauty, or joy, or connection. But because I found some space, some stillness, some quiet, I was able to remember one of the moments today that really meant something, not all the million tasks I had to do.
Further Exploration
Then, I continue to sit in this space and think back on the day and how at the end of it I was talking with another friend who was sharing with me some of their story as well. You see before we met they had gone through some extremely difficult times as well. Things that crushed their spirit, crushed their dreams, crushed their sense of space in the world. And they thanked me for what I did. Which I still dont think I did anything at all, but they exclaimed profusely how I held space for them in a way that helped them to move through the obstacles of their live, how they heard how I talked and thought and expressed and because of that, found the space to do the same. How they were uncertain of the challenges and hurt and worry. But something in the way I looked at them and the world, they felt braver to honor thier own path and truth. How they felt braver to stick to what was calling inside them and how much the love and appreciate me for appearing in my life when I did.
Its just so strange how we never really know who we are going to meet, how we are might effect others and how just being ourselves can impact even when we have no idea anyone is even paynig attention. Then I think back on my day now, compared to before and I see it just the same. How my friend and his story reminded me of wonderful things that can come about even after so much pain. How the moment we spent togather just talkin bout whatever life stuff, afforded me just a little space to enjoy the wonderful sunset that was brilliantly displayed bofore us. Then I look at my other friend who was sharing their current challenge and how they were able to open up to me about things even though they know I like to poke at it. And instead of the story I see how much they feel safe to disagree with me, and still say, hey i love you, thank you for being in my life. And its like all the chaos of the day doesnt even exist anymore. Not because anything changed in the day, but because I allowed myself the space and stillness to look differently. And in doing that I see the wonder of the world, not the challenges of our lives.
And here I am, with people around me that truely care and support me, not because of what I give them or offer them, but because I let them be who they are and appreciate them for it, and they want to do the same in return. And its like, I always thought that I was just a little crazy, just a little to off for people and just a bit too much. But since I have opened to accept myself as I am, and I just try to be who I am, that suddenly those around me arent afraid to be themselves either. And even though I dont really think I do anything at all, I still love to hear the joy in them when they feel safe to open without being judged. Sorry if this was a bit all over the place, just a chaotic day, but its interesting to see how it developed into a day that had so much beauty in it, when if you asked me while I was in the grip of the mind, I would have seen differently. Stillness and quiet, always a wondeful thing to have.
