Worlds

So, I dont really recall if I ever mentioned the portals before. You see, for decades, while I scan around the enovironments I find myself in, I decided one day that I would purposely choose to walk through things I saw as portals. Basically arches that I found around me that catch my eye or seem a little out of place. Like an offering to step into the unknown and cause a shift in the way things were. It was that in one version of the universe, I walk through, and in another I do not. Now most times I do walk through, but their have definetely been times that a chose not to. And I am sure it really just started as something kind of funny that I did, but it was interesting to think about, and well…. I like to think about things XD. It had been a little while since I saw one, but the other day I did, so ofc I went through. 

Now this also king of makes me think of the times I sit and relax by imagining the swirling of galaxies through space. I watch them collide, and explode and pull back together and form new shapes and opporunities for life. If nothing else its a wonderful experience of color nd texture playing with the concepts of life and opporunity, but its just something I enjoy doing. 

And so I was just sitting here imagining what it would feel like to make a mountain grow out of the ground. What it would sounds like, what my heart would feel, how my mind would react to seeing and feeling the world build so rapidly in front of me. Not that I really want to create a mountain, lots of beautiful ones around already, but just the experience of such a creative event. And I was thinking about all those things, the portals, the galaxies, the mountains and the feelings they give me when I do such things. And I noticed the similarity in the depth I feel when I think of those that matter to me the most. When I sit up at night and wonder how they are, what they are doing, feeling how much I care about them and it just made me think of just how much creative power we really do have. Sure maybe its not the same when you look at it from our eyes, but why only look there? Is energy not the very thing that binds all of physical form, is attention not which focuses our energy in a partcular direction, are we not all amazing reatures capable of directing and moving our own lives? Sure, smashing a couple galaxies is fun and might create a new planet, sure walking through a portal might be a split into another dimension…… but none of it exists at all if it wasnt for just one simple silly little choice to feel it and experience it. I just find it interesting when I really think about how powerful we really are. Not in that we hold power over others, thats just fear, but in that we can cultivate whatever we want in our inner worlds without any need for others to even see. Yet it can change the course of our lives forever, if we want to let it. So, yeah, I almost always walk through portals…. I wonder where this last one led me…. 

Life HA!

It has been such a crazy 3-4 days, honestly, like a bit much XD. I guess its not really that uncommon for the universe to put a bunch of impossible challenges in front of me, it’s always playing tricks on me lol. But, the amount of diffierent people I had to be has been exhausting. I suppose it more like be responsive to those who have fears and that for whatever reason I seem to be the easiest one to work through them with. Which, in most cases, would be ok, especially if its like friends or loved ones or whatever…..but on top of it, it seems like complete strangers have just been turning and looking for help, and for whatever reason I have a hard time saying no. Not that I really know how or what to do, but I hear them and I try. Guess that all anyone can really do…. its just been so non stop and in so many directions. And when its finally over I look up and I am like holy crap, what day is it even? 

Then I think about how I process through such crazy times where I really dont find much time to stop and settle into the space that I go to rest and be. And its kind of funny, almost like every day I have to forget so much, not because I dont care or not that I ignore it, but more like, I guess i release all the tension it caused, all the pain I felt from the worry of others, all the swirling. And it makes me think of those that I share my open self with, those that I feel safe enough to just say what I want to say or sit quietly when I want to sit quietly, yet dont want to be alone. As you can see, my brain is still a bit fried from it all XD I am prolly not making much sense because I havent really spent much time forming my thoughts into a stream others can follow, but then again, thats also just how I am sometimes. I really do enjoy just letting thing flow out sometimes, just letting all the little flairs spurt out from myself into whatever body decides to let it flow through them. Guess I am really lucky too, some people do see me as I am and love me as my crazy ass self XD. Maybe one day….. we will see.

I wonder if I can convince someone to let me setup insane lightshows at their house, hmmmmmm bet i could XD