Shooting Stars and Wild Beasts

Life is just chaos, I am not sure if their is anyway to really stop it. I know you can get into a groove that better suits your souls path, but even then, its just crazy sometimes. And when you are building something new, shifting into a new path, changing your trajectory or swimmng to another current, well then, things get even crazier. It’s almost comical how much the old path can try to pull us back. Like here is this entire world that tried to pretend it knew everything and held everything and then one tiny drop of someone thinking differently and the whole thing panics in insecurity. Reminds me of the old saying, never tell the devil when your leaving town. This all powerful evil being…..freaks out like a child when it thinks it might lose its grip. Not that I believe its like actually a person, but the clinging of the past in metaphor. I have been pushing past barriers and building things lately I never dreamed of building. On top of that I have been pulling others up to help ride the wave with me and I see this pattern over and over. They wake up, they feel excited, they reach and feel alive. But then the world tries to pull them back, their old habbits, their old thinking, their old way of life. Now some make it further, some go running back, but everyone gets changed forever. It’s just amusing to me, it’s not the actual millions of challenges that come with something new that are difficult, but the false loss of secuirty that triggers defenses….as the thing that eventually breaks people. I have seen it in the form of drugs, patterns, old strategies, families, relationships…..every kind you culd imagine. And the funny part is, when someone actually does push through and make it to their new life, all of those who tried to pull back flip. Almost instantly in most cases. They are alike, oh I knew you could do it, look how much better you are now, look how much better things are going, look how much halthier you are now. Even when its more abstract, I see the universe open doors more easily, stronger better relationships form, connections and strength begin to show up. It just makes me wonder why these changes are so difficult when they are presented to us, because it almost never comes when we are strong, but when we are beaten and weakened. Yet many of us still make it through. 

Drawing from the skies

So I think a big part of what makes some of us able to push through and other recoil faster is the little subtle things we have in place to tap us into something bigger. For me, I spend time in nature, under the sky, every day. I listen to the wind blow through the leaves, I hear the river babble and splash, I watch the clouds sail and the stars twinkle. Sure, you could argue that non of it means anything at all, just natural occurances. But to me, they give me so much strangth. They remind me of what really matters, what is truely important and what is just illusion and concept or conditionning. A shooting star does not need your explenation to exist, it does not need a defineable course to light up the sky or inspire one to wish. You might be the only one to ever see it, you might have no way to prove it was ever real, but yet, it can sit in your memory like a spark of light that can carry you anywhere. So, yeah, I walk and hike and journey out into the forests and fields, not because I am escaping the challenges of the world, but because I am reminding myself of the subtle flow that supports and sparks new life to be. And that this same force has the power to do amazing things and help us see through the lies of the world. 

I am thnking of all the creatures that I see when I am walking around in the woods. I run into bears, foxes, birds, weasels, deer and all the usual creatures. But for some reason they appear differently when I am able to open myself and see what wonderm ight be all around me. The deer get closer, the chimpunks come out from hiding, the fox decides to follow me day after day. Strange behaviors that I dont normally see when I am with others or surrounded by my own swirling thoughts. It shows me that even nature itself bends and moves when we are in a simpler space, a clearer mind a place of honest appreciation for life and its beautiful display around us. 

So I walk through life as open as possible. I can be in the middle of solving 20 world crushing problems, or fearing the collapse of all my existence, and even then, I stop to watch a butterfly dance around my head. I need it, I am woven through it, I am part of it and it is part of me. And because of this, the world always offeres me solice no matter the situation I am in. I can endure most things people could not imagine, I can take on impossible obstacles that would overwhelm in an instant. But because I have my space, my openess to the world, openess to the spirit dancing all around me, I can hold on just one more day and make it through to another moment of peace.

I am just thinking of talking to my friends recently and how much they laugh when I tell them things. And they all tell me, Andrew, if I was in your head I would lose my mind in one second. Yet for me it is just every day. I sort of lost what I was meant to talk about, but that is the beauty of it all. Yeah, I can be all over the place, I can spin into a million different directions at once and feel strength in life where others dismiss it entirely. But for some reason, something I cannot explain, I am uniquely adapted to do these kinds of things over and over. And not only do I do them for myself and in my own life, but for some reason I seem to be able to spark similar opportunities in others. Like, I think I am just being nuts or wierd or my typical crazy self, yet people come to me to remind them of what they could possibly be. But thats the thing, I dont do anything at all, I just do my best to be honest and myself and the rest is up to the spirits that be. So who really knows what will happen as the clouds swirl and the skies sparkle. I’ll just keep pushing for the impossible, because life itself is impossible, yet here it is….for all of us. So why not use this one opporunity we have to really experience and live. Yeah I might burn myself up into nothing, but at least I have a chance at a life worth living. And if I see you tomorrow I will be truely grateful, for you are life itself whether you know it or not. But I will see it and I will remind you to look, because in that, I am reminding myself. We are all woven weather we want it or not….. so do we pretend or do we embrace? I chose to embrace, but I am also built different, as the saying goes XD.